Parenting Club

9 - 18 Months: Sleep Training

If your baby just won’t sleep and you’re racked with exhaustion, it may be time to try some new tactics

What's it all about?
So what do you do?

Some babies love to sleep: get them past the newborn feeding-every-five-minutes stage, and you can pretty much guarantee they’ll close their eyes and slumber ever so peacefully from dusk to dawn (or more). And then there are the others, the ones who, for one reason or another, just don’t ‘get’ sleep. And, boy, do they let you know about it – several times a night!

If you’ve not been blessed with a natural sleep-lover, it may not bother you that much. You may be happy to get up in the night to rock/cuddle/soothe her back to sleep. That’s fine, if it works for you.

But, if, night after night, the lack of sleep is affecting your moods, your wellbeing and, most importantly, your relationship with your baby, you may feel you owe it to both of you to take steps to teach your baby to sleep better and longer. Many parents do ‘sleep train’ their babies with great success and, provided yours is old enough to get through the night without a feed (six months at least), there’s no reason why you shouldn’t give it a try, too.

What’s it all about?

Sleep training is all about getting your baby to go to sleep by herself, rather than relying on you. That’s going to involve a certain amount of effort on your part – sleep training won’t work unless you’re determined to see it through, and ready for things to possibly get (temporarily) worse before they get (much, much) better.

Think you can handle it? First, you need to ask yourself three important questions…

  • Is your baby over six months? Any younger and sleep training’s unlikely to work.

  • Is your baby well and settled? Never attempt to sleep-train an ill baby or a baby whose routine or surroundings have recently changed.

  • Are you prepared to see it through? The most common reason sleep-training fails is the parent giving up at the first hurdle. Sleep training doesn’t take long – a week at most – but, for the first night especially, you do need shedloads of patience and a firm resolve to see it through.
So what do you do?

Your first aim is to teach your child to go to sleep on her own (if your child can already do this, pat yourself on the parental back and move on to your second aim, below).

To teach her to go to sleep on her own, you need to start by establishing (or re-establishing) a quiet, wind-down bedtime routine: some kind variation on a bath-feed-story theme. Tuck her into bed while she’s sleepy but still awake, turn off the light and say goodnight. Around the age of one, a lot of children will become attached to one of the soft toys in their cot, so it can help to make a big play of tucking Teddy in, too. What you do next depends on what your baby tends to do:

  • If she cries before you even leave the room: Sit by her quietly. When she cries, say ‘Night night’ (or some other such phrase), and maybe pat her hand or stroke her cheek for extra reassurance. Then sit back down. Repeat until she settles, however long it takes. The next night, move your chair a little further from her cot – and, over the next week, gradually move further and further away until you’re sitting by the door. The next night, sit on the landing. She should be settling herself to sleep very well by now.

  • If she cries after you’ve left the room: Sit on the landing. When she cries, go in, say ‘Night night’ (or some other such phrase), and maybe pat her hand or stroke her cheek for extra reassurance. Then go back out to the landing. Repeat until she settles, however long it takes. The next night, leave it a minute before you respond to her cries; the following night, a little longer still. Within a week, you should find you’re going in less often – or not at all.

And now your second aim: teaching her to settle herself back to sleep if she wakes in the night. Doing this is not so different to teaching her to settle at bedtime but does require extra patience as you’ll undoubtedly be giving your ‘lessons’ in the wee small hours.

When your baby wakes and cries, wait a minute before going in to her. When you do go in, gently settle her back, maybe with a few reassuring pats or words and then leave the room while she’s still awake. If she continues to cry, wait two minutes before going back and reassuring her again. Repeat for as long as she keeps crying, lengthening the wait a little each time (stick at it – it’s worth it!). Repeat all this for the next few nights and, within a week to 10 days (usually much earlier), your baby should be sleeping through.

5 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU START

  1. Make sure both you and your partner are happy with the idea. And are prepared to support each other.

  2. Clear your diary. No going out. Give yourself a clear fortnight to sort this sleep thing out. Once and for all.

  3. Discuss your plans with your health visitor.

  4. Prepare yourself for a battle of wills. Your baby’s used to her old routine and will almost certainly resist the new one for a while.

  5. Remember that being firm and consistent is not being mean or cruel. Your baby will still love you in the morning if you set clear boundaries for her at night.

Note: Always discuss your plans with your health visitor before you start sleep training. For advice and support with a crying or sleepless baby, call the Cry-sis helpine on 08451 228669 (9am to 10pm, seven days a week).